there are so many things i want to tell you to break them all make them see but i don't want to see those things, i have seen those things, i want to let everything but the knowledge that these things are happening and CAN NEVER HAPPEN i don't feel strong to carry them with me for deliberate weight i want to let all of them sink like harrison bergeron stones to the bottom of this stinking swamp i don't know what i'll describe then but i think i have no choice. i need so much quiet to think, i am sick of working at these jobs always cutting in on the meditation i need tobe doing, give me a clean quiet job with hard work and clean goals so i can think. but my back is so fucked i'm not even allowed i'm not insured under csst again if i violate those constrictions, i don't wanna work. of course if i'm taking an under the table job i can prolly sue the pants off him because what no fault insurance now asshole.