i want someone to talk to and sit next to me when i'm writing and hold and stuff, i like being with one person alot, they're the only person that can see me, they see me with everyone they get a backstage pass to my life and sometimes they do muck around in it during scenes, but it's only fun when some KNOWS what you're doing it becomes your evil little secret instead of your dirty ;little secret, i miss that alot, i could always find a me, a stable me to an extent me cuz after a while your old tricks are easy to spot. i know that i'm supposed just not care and "be myself" but i have what i want... i guess that is me my agency, i need a way to get it and i'm sick of feeling weird when i manipulate people, they are being robots i am just hyper extending jointsn till they bust anyway, i really wanna see you. go go away i'm tired from the fear and desperation my skin thins without drugs now and i can see my blood in there pumping back and forth so precariously balanced the slightest blockage affecting the pressure. my nervous system so pressure sensitive, my face pressure set, i am tired and often sad.