i am my most bitter resolve, i am my own hardened defeat,

it's quiet now communications have been severed i'm tired and i may sleep through all of this i don't mind i'll scoop my hoodie behind my ears when i want to hear you. i belong so far above you that i can't breath, icarus obviously suffocated in his own collapsed lungs your myths have never been debunked before it is going to hurt re extending rusted joints and every single nerve will be shocked into immortal pain frozen in a kaleidoscope spiraling in towards the only horizon in space. curved space. back on itself, gravity. beer is warming in my mouth it makes a belly dance down my thoat like confetti made out of paper mache done by children(,) oozing with paste, i am alone, i am not afraid, i am lonely, i'm trying not to cry because you aren't her, and the only one i want to see won't see me, i want one to be here we'd smoke cigarettes and march furiously through the city riding shotgun in pairs across the continent. the soldiers we'd bear. you will not hear them coming, you will not know our names. gratify me forget your fantasies for a moment, satisfaction gauranteed or double down on a security deposit you'll never see again. you don't have a choice.



since i've been about 6 or seven i've had etremely violent fantasies about killing myself in a variety of ways, they never developped into true suicidal thoughts until i was a teenager.

often i'd see a student outside that i hated and i wanted to crash through the double window headfirst and land as close to that fucker as possible to shower him with whatever came out. my only thought during those times was a manical fit of paradoxical laughter and the intense urge to scream "how funny is it now? is it funny now?" of course my head split open on the pavement i wouldn't be able to speak, that might be what's kept me from doing it, knowing i wouldn't get the last word.

i feel to starp plastic explosives to my head and run into a food court. ruining a thousand meals all at once.

theres nothing to live for but we're going to die fo show.