where did all of me go, everything i loved and hated?
what is this ruin of a life, when will she be on my side?

none of this works.
i'm sick of trying.

i can see her looking at me
just so i don't have to pretend, to compensate for what you can't see, and maybe i'll be looking at her the same fucking way. i don't wanna have to pretend to be happy just cuz i'm with you, i want her to be just as pissed off and tired and soft with a voice like liquid razorblades. i ruined anything real i've ever had trying not to change, and i was scared she wouldn't love me if i did. forget it.