i have a nasty suspicion that there will be alot more of this, goodnight.

everything is quiet except my heart always breaking (now) like velcro, like soft tissue(,) paper tearing, like scar tissue caring, like cancerous growth, that is all.

i am getting fat because i'm too tired to care...
i need to stop working now.

i have nothing much to write lately i'm not so scared as alone.

i am so much more than done, if one of you doesn't arrange it for me soon you're gonna be sorry


i am fucking done, fuck you all

i want out

i'm really tired
i'm really tired of only feeling okay when i'm really drunk, i'm
really tired of pretending i'm semi normal all day just to do this stupid job.

today i woke up feeling like i should change my name to the sadness

i was crazy before now i'm a walking wreck dredged up from some awful toxic bay creaking and tripping in potholes, i am too nervous to live, too lazy to die.

i have to say i'm pretty lonely

and mostly i've been really lonely except for when ive been deluding myself, i'm shivering because i'm cold, but also the whole house is shaking because of the washing machine running.

penis enlargement

i just did that to get a bunch of spam comments its fun to see that ridiculous number climb.

also if you are going to read this shit you may as well glance to the right underneath the deactivated tracks.

also i'm too drunk

i'm trying really hard
and none of this is good
and we did our best work together
and we should try to sort it out,
i am sad and defeated now and everything is fucked

i really miss you and i truly hate myself.

i miss you, i'm going to sleep just to wake up
i'm going to sleep i'm going to sleep to stop....

fuck living like you they don't but i do....
but i do
but i do, but i do..

all these words they flow right past and care like you
gave a damn for what was true, they don't love you

like i do


in the tap with the rythym shit holding out just to give in, they don't love you like i do, they don't love you, they don't love you....

they don't love you like i do....
they do't love you cuz it's right they don't love you
in between the nights
they don't love ... ;like a song
\they don't love even though i'm wrong
they don't love you like i do,
even if they see through
they don't love you, love like i do i miss you only
timer will tempt you


on and on on and on and on
on and on, on and on on n' on 'n on

to be honest if it ain't the shit that's fucking getting me through the day i don't wanna hear about it, i wanna hear that first and then maybe you can communicate in some sort of sign language on the second listen.

where are my drones if i'm supposed to do this all by myself i thought i'd get a few drones... i got a few droids a few paranoids but nothing resembling a drone... now follow the leader ya know if it ain't got that swing well then i'm not gonna sing. oh and here's me keeping my fingers all crossed waiting for some choerent communication and creative synergy.

i'm good to go again i says
as it tickles out my nose

i'm good to go again i says
as the blood begins to flow

three hours of lonely deathbed sitting
and the only place you'll know

i'm good to go again i says
as the fear begins to show

nothing to no one and nothing but nothing in between
your guess is as good as mine and you know just what it means
this night is cold enough to shake me down it's a shakedown don't you know.

sometimes i feel like the loneliest person on earth

sometimes i feel less, sometimes

i love you sometimes

i rest.

sometimes when i get right like this i get scared and stop because it is all sad enough to go away.

i remember sighing and twitching on the mat

and the warmth of those moments smothering me.

sometimes when it's late like this and it gets all quiet except for the sound of a shit box heater i remeber the pleasure of giving up and all the shame of a public preformance of the greatest proportions a tragedy beyond measure and my mother's not so softly breaking heart singing me to sleep

i need someone to make happy because that's all that i want to feel from youi miss you love, i miss love.

i like being crazy far less than i do being sane, but i am so fucking tired and retarded from working all the time, i am the resident psycho.

i like getting so drunk i can act like a big idiot and not mind... i hate everything.... this is so boring, everyone is really slow and stupid and i have to go crazy just to have a little fun, actually today i discovered the joy of random blog jusdging, i put so many flags on so many websites my evil glee quotient is filled for the week.

i love coming to the blog and realizing that i pretty much wrote what i was going to but in an infantile drunken state. i am crazy and a salient point is that i do write better than you, and cry better and sing and rap better, and even make the music, i am the music i know you better than you know yourself and i deserve a piece of your time, savour these moments as i put them in a bag, they won't keep babe we're on a time lag, and it gets right to me, the way they all sound the same when it moves right through me there's no time left to nag.

i am your priest, you are our gods but it's me who stays up late
and never celebrates oh you i look so fine, they should put me away i am your mouthpiece girl i've(m) just givi(e)n it away,

and now you all want to touch me, just to tell me it's okay but it's not and it's never been and i; have plenty left and don't know what to say... woo this is my song, you better get into the backseat
you've all been wrong and you're never gonna crack me.

remember i AM a piece of shit i forgot you to remember me, it didn't work out, i miss you why did i fuck upo so bad??????????????????????????????

i miss you, i fucked up please hurt me because i've not the stregnth to hatre,,, i love ou i know i missed a s5ep i still love you, i'm rteally sorry amd i am a retard. good bye but remembert i cared i miss youn and i am stupid

i do this i am drunk drunk i miss you pleae let me in i miss you, alotr.... i miss you tell me everyrthing i forgot

i'm missing the trurch i8 miss you fuck this i reall wish i understood fuck this i misds you hurt me i need to hear helpme i've gone to fear partly, anmd kleve me alone, i love you and still on the phone,.,,,,

i realize that this is all cut and pasted together but how can anyone repeat the same catch phrase more than twelve times an hour?

in case you didn't get it, fuck off.

i care that you're jealous, no for real, i care, tell me all about it cuz i'm sure to be understanding.

and those of you who are uncomfortable and want to force me to kiss their well adjusted asses are asking for a very fat lip..... i will crack you cheek bones you asymetric freaks

and i know i'm supposed to feel ok with this and comfort myself in the knowledge that he is a big robot, but i'm not, it just all adds up, i'm sad and scared alot.

dad has a huge penis, so does my brother, in fact my brother's cock is like 11 inches long and proportionally fat, i have always felt insignifigant, the boy killls you all, do you understand, he's a umoilingual genius, i'm a well rounded asshole, this was meant to never work out it hurts, i think that's great, don't you, when he was 7 he pissed all over my head, he said he thought it was the bathroom, my parents believed him... alos you're all judgemental jerks.... also i want to kill myself alot.