romance is love's mortal enemy. it kills familiarity which is the womb of true love.

not only that, i was unable to make conversation.

she was soooo fucking hot.

can you say that? your tongue would look better in my mouth? i don't know if i care anymore. fuck.

i can't believe my brain won't let me have sex with those people, i can't even really imagine it, it kinda sucks cuz she damn hot but wtf? i don't ever feel like leaning in and kissing her because she doesn't talk. fuck her if i have to see her again i am just gonna be a big dickhead and as well tell her she is fucking smoking and her tongue would look better in my mouth.

there is nothing i hate more than concious apathy, unfortunately you happened to be most hot and hitting on me, it was not a signifigant bullet, i am not afraid. i was however exceedingly drunk, which is how i deal with this best.

dtunkeness made it all too real it's all too much i am refusng to feel

why am i so stupid? cuz i wannna be fucvk i miss her b4 i kneqw she waas here i feel likke hawking everything i own

i thought thaat i wan't too ugly insidw to feel, obviously i was werong... i hate myself

very vwery veyr sad, she doesn't want mebut oi want to die

IT HURRTS RIGHT HER WHERE YOU DON'T WANNA LISTEN fuck off i'm titred and real sad

but what the fuckreall yi'm too drunk to care for real naw cmon i'm al good Fuck OOOOFFFFFF

obvious;y nobody cares, but still i went outthere and tried, and faild worse thsan really possible, fuckit i meant it but i tried, i'm not going to work tomorrow hoodbye.

what's missing i guess is about 4 or 5 people to touch and prolly 30-40 who can see who i am cuz monkeys front so badly and this concious disasociation wouldn't be so bad. i am going to sleep to sadness to work to nap to drinks to sadness, goodnight.

sometimes it weirds me out that my favorite pweople are on the internet and i even so i only like a few other peoples work conceptually. then i realize it isn't high school. i apreciate it though, it is nice to have things to read when you feel dead all over except for your heart, which is breaking over and over again.

may my body rest in pieces no smaller than previously discussed

why did i come all this way to find myself alone? i am tired with no one to carry me, pray for me now as i drift with the wind.

there's a knowledge that won't come back, that evaporates with years ever faster as the world warms, some kind of cultural conciousness, i almost felt it slipping away there until i died.


i am pathetic but not too proud to market that, i still want to feel your breath hot agaist my neck foggy in the proud musty consequence of our love.

and there they are: words hanging like icicles on a sunday morning in february on the 49th, because i don't care anymore, because that's where i am because i can feel where we were and i'm done

I REALLY WNAT TO GIVE MY LOVE TO SOMEOBNE WHO WON'T WASTE IT. All is quiet on the eastern front, time to push westwards satanic soldier.

and to all the playas out there, remember you're dying out, much quicker now, your mal adjusted kids will be around for a lot longer than ours

but side by side through a yellowy hide....

in the same vein, blue is pathetic and red ridiculous.

purple is offensive, there had best always be a bit of yellow.

i can disappear.

this will be an ever increasing asset with nowhere to run.

but at night

i am the one illuminating

all you need to do is say you love me, i'm yours.

i am proud of my tears... you see them? they are for my children and i have death in my eyes. there's more of us crazy fuckseveryday, watch out original dickhead here comes an asshole that stays around, it's a snatch ass, but isn't that more pleasant than one that isn't so fuckable? listen dickheads and brats twats creeps i am exactly who i am an i will be coming for you, hiding behind shit, yeah i am a loser, but i'll make you look like such a fucking idiot, long after everyone forgets anything else. i have attacked people already with my sadness, my body venomous.

i remembered today that what i really need is a wire in my brain, i really want it now, please god, have you seen what those rats will do to get it after they've tasted it... why can't i just turn up that dial and go work. itsdefinetely possible, the only question is can i seduce a brain surgeon?? the answer i think yes.

what i do for a living makes my sskin dry out5 and my blood pale

does anyone else feel this emty and raw?... like a snatch ass?

for real, why does this have to be so hard, i can't do this forever, i can't do this for long, what the fuck am i supposed to do, i can't think of anything to write tat would convey how mad american idol is making me right now, i am stopping tuyping, because i have to leave this room because i will scream.

this is bad i am good, most ofthe time, i am screaming n my head alot, i am sad, i am scared of everything i want, i am hardened by guilt i am misssing from the picture, being real makes me fall apart, why does everyone make this so hard for me? i want to be alone soi can be for longer than it takes to react.

i'm obviously dreading work. i need to move soon, i'm gonna move somewhere and play shows as the man from nowhere

is it wrong to be in love with four girls at once?

i don't think so, but i don't think that it is possible either, thats a helluva personal workload to carry emotionally.

getting drunk and seeing tghose girls on stage kicking music's ass made me wanna do something for someone else for a change. the drummer for the sunday sinners is the hottest worn out looking blond junkie trash i have ever seen. it looked like it hurt her to play the drums it was so hot it made my cock bleed. every single chick in that band is amazing.

well i feel much better.

it was your deck, and you hadn't shuffled 'em, 'cept for every second card seemed to be yours.

you wish you knew, but you don't and i'm all alone.


all alone, you want them twos?, have 'em you fuck nut, i don't even have a deck to play with. i can't believe you cared,


you'll have to come up with something better than that.

that doesn't mean anything, but i never did care, i just wished that you'd pretend i did.

I LOVE YOU, you may not get what that means, but it never mattered anyway it was all for you. tomorrow i will forget that i am, but i am love, and i will never forget that i meant this. i am sad.

PLEASE

help me.

have you ever felt this real?

i am love

i am the music

i am

do you not see how easy this is??? why do i need to kill myself? i'm serious, is there a point or should i just let it happen. i could be love for someone.

please touch me, i am growing cold and i don't remeber what love feels like, hurry the time is over.

i was right, i didn't care about the show, but four females made me sad. i don't know how to explain to someone that we belong together. you are so pretty that i miss myself.

please, someone comment, i am very scared.


you guys wanted the emperor with out his clothes,

you'd best be prepared for what glory looks like.

art isn't life itself.

things will get better, only slowly. of that only(,) i am sure.

i am tired and sad, i am going to watch a show i will not enjoy. good night.

i'm definetly damaged goods but i was a one of a kind, a universal donor and that was too dangerous for me. if you look closely you'll see i'm not really there at all.


i am not afraid, take all the s(w)ings you want, you'll never touch me now.

i'm tired, and this newly fo(u)nd feeling of god hood is sad somehow. i liked being someone's apostle. bukowski freed us from this i guess. i love him. my life will be about my life, and my neighbors life, and i can't really explain this. i am okay that you can understand much of what i say to you but not what it is like to be here. if i could you already would have understood, i'm sad. i wanted to keep caring what you all thought, but it has taken everything from me. i am allowed to be as SAD AS I FUCKING WANT, FUCK OFF. i guess that's the truth.

Werner Herzog Story Cracks Head Wide Open!

dear diary: i am anxious, i strum the guitar, my leg is nervous so i comfort it with a tambourine, i am not afraid. i hear a voice, it is my own voice, the words mean something to me. i fill the air with sound, every flaw in the universe my own. there is, i am chaos. i am overcome. i cease. i am succesful at crying.

best of luck herzog.

what are you doing reading this? skim it until something looks like love shining at the corners, read the poetry series.

i make music, i write poems, and i cry alot.

also i'm drunker than you.

i will complete you, you will taste love
i will defeat you, enough is enough.

all i need is love,

warm squishy would like to grow some pieces of me and some pieces of her(e) all mixed up in her belly love, i don't feel wajnted by my fellow humans, i don't feel want, that ain't fair.

i wish someone was around that made sense to talk to, there isn't, i lack something warm to protect.

i played tambourine with my foot today, i think it's workin out, thanks listless boredom, oh and ps now completely certifiably disenfranchised, and i mean with everything.

i just took a load of couch syrup the high was ridiculous of course, i realized that this is all inevitable of course instead of precariously on point. i need quiet now so i can hear her in the woods again chanting, incanting a binding spell and there is no time left for hesitation, i am not calm and yet the words flow from me like current through the swift, shhh

that point is or what?? our friendship is over? your decision not mine, i don't give a fuck, i'm sick of walking on other's eggshells trying not to break em, fuck it. this is how you get comfortable, not by acting like your parents.

this shit is too much work, fuck it.

this isn't high school, i'm not into delayed orders, not even ultimatums, not retaliation, which usually happens right away, sparking a joke argument of mock heated proportions, i can't believe i am explaining this to someone, i can't believe it is my neck in knots, i am still stressed about this and it pisses me off. i so done.

and to qualify, cuz i ain't takin that down, who i am drunk is more than half of who i am. i was just kidding, c'mon, for reals?? it pissed you off for reals? that is tyhe only funny left, i have one nut, i thibnk it is hilarious, you can't tell me that being a redhead is a touchy point.

i am sorry that this bothers you, but wow, what the fuck, i mean really?????


man, jokes used to be funny, everyone would laugh because it's ridiculous, and then in you hearts silently upheave the stupid nylon net surrounding your soul and be free. now jokes get me in trouble and make a horrible stress headache worse, thanks, i needed that.

you wanna feel a touch of the real you wanna feel a touch of the realness?

then be glad i noticed there was something different about you at all.

hey fire crotch,

we're done here, that was it, fuck of fucki it, and fuck you, i'll ay whatever the fuck i want, you have something to say, say it, otgherwise, eat my fucking nuts until you can se your reflection, let there be no mistake, fuck off julia, grow up, and i hope you understand someday, fuck this.

you're right, i don't miss any of you but i'm sad and lnely and it's ever so quiet in my despair, i miss myself

i just bought 360 whippits, cost 207.54$ and fashioned my own cracker in the nick of time b4 the home depot closed, total cost 1.93$, plus of course the balloons 1.15$. 55 down, 305 to go.